Monday, December 10, 2007

The anti-steak

Sometimes you go out on a limb and try something new. Sometimes this is a revelation (Lenny's Sub Shop). Other times it is a shitload of fuck.

Today's lunch experience falls into the latter category.

There is a new, hole-in-the-wall sub shop by my work. Their menu is a massive collection of different sandwiches, ten of which are cheesesteaks. I figured that if they had that many cheesesteaks, they probably knew what they were doing and my lunch would rock. I couldn't have been more wrong.

The purported "cheesesteak" I was served was fucking terrible in it's staggering mediocrity. The meat was some type of dry, shoe leather sirloin instead of nice, greasy ribeye. The meat was bland and unseasoned. I seriously think they didn't even salt the stuff. It was too thick to be proper cheesesteak meat and generally unpleasant. There were a few thin, sauteed onions on the thing that were nothing to really complain about; how can you fuck up grilled onions right? What they did fuck up was the cheese. This is a cardinal sin in the cheesesteak kingdom and one for which the punishment is a slow, horrible butt-death. They used fucking regular, shitty, Winco quality American cheese. For those who aren't aware, a traditional cheesesteak has either Cheese Wiz (yes, that yellow crap that Mom put on your broccoli so she could get you to eat it) or white American cheese. Provolone is also acceptable but swiss cheese and FUCKING YELLOW AMERICAN CHEESE ARE NOT! Wiz, white American or provolone; that's it. No other cheese should ever be used on a cheesesteak. Not only did they fuck up the cheese but they also fucked up the steak! I asked for a cheesesteak! Not a fucking shit sandwich! Not some thick-sliced, dried-out, unseasoned roadkill with some fucking plasticine goat smegma cheese!

FUCK!

In case you are wondering, I will not be patronizing that particular establishment again.

1 comment:

El Hombre del Culo said...

I bet that shit was good